Im at strip club and am horny
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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