I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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