You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Found your dick twin last night
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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