Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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