almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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