I heard we made out
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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