Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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