Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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