I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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