you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize