he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
