Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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