I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
