i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
