I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
