You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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