I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
