Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
