I think my vagina is haunted
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm passing your future prison.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
