she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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