They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
this will be a night to untag.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
