I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
