you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
