He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
