What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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