Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
