i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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