walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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