i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
