I just saw a hot homeless man
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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