it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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