Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
