Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
