i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
