Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
