Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
