i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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