Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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