You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
