is your mom at the bar?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
