Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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