Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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