Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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