I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
