I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
