just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
