Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
