so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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