If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
