It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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