I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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