and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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