i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
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It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
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So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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