what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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