I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You pole danced in your parka.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
