Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Drake has all the answers
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize