dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
