Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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