Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize