As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
