I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
