he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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