Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
