Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So squirting runs in the family.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
