Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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