I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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