so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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