uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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