but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
