yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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