What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
