Need sex. Gaining weight.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
