You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
