Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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