is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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