Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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